I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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