he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
