So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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