Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
