Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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