she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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