guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
