I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
