Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
