i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
