Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Small penises have feelings too.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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