Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
