the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
