i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
