ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
