Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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