cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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