We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
