She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
