so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
