At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
