will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
