Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
