i need an iv and a liver transplant
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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