I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
