bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
