Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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