Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
