it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
