you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
