I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want nice things and good sex
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
