I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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