I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
