OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
