3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
