It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its about making memories worth repressing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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