Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
