With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
