so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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