I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
