i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize