Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
