Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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