i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
