When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
