I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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