How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
