Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
last night I used snow as a chaser
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
