bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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