hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How does one acquire holy water?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
