i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
