The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
