craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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