Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
