Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
