I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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