This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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