I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
