We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
