david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
