I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize