I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
