wrigley field is MILF paradise
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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