12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
