You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My cat gives me a boner
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
