Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
